Manish "another fine mess, "according the Kpl CEO.

Knighton Oval TV: CEO Mum Anjana has hammered out her concerns about Manish.

Mum Anjana:" He is not like his cheques, he can not bounce back. The 5-0 lead is disappointing. This is not one day cricket. It is one way cricket.

On this rare occasion, I agree with Thanki Thanki, this t18 format is an exhibition and t36 is an examination.

Manish is headed for no where. Unfortunately, he has got there sooner than expected. The only thing he will get without trying is balckheads.

I disagree with Manish's decision to hire Alan Hansen as consultant. Alan told him to introduce: tempo, pace and power into his batting. That is just plain stupid. That advice is like giving a drowning man both sides of the rope.

I am a non violent person, I think I need to slap Manish into shape."

Our reporter will fiel e reply as soon as he finishes his oven baked steamed somasa.

Facts,Lies and Videotapes

BBC Panorama ( Are today's cricketers out of control ? ) :As Mitesh left the Mara Knighton Oval, he was greeted by a frenzied Korean group of KO supporters chanting "Halla Bol" to the deafening Korean drums. An expectant autograph hunter was disappointed when Mitesh gave him his blazer, combed his hair and said, "Choota nihi hai."

"Never trust what you read in the papers!!" Mitesh said as he got into his black 4 by 4 Rangerover Sport.
"Well technically it was on a blog rather than a newspaper" Our reporter Nosmo King reply
"What ever!!" Mitesh replied through black sunglasses.
"Look for one the music in the coach is The Fellow of the Rings and not Lord of the rings FACT. He was not wearing any underwear FACT! It was his ex girlfriend that let him lose FACT!!!
"What about him going to WC your bitter rivals" Our reporter asked
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea" Mitesh replied drowned out by the sound of spinning tyres and a hasty get away.

When the traffic light turned green, Mitesh delibrately drove into a puddle. The water and mud sprayed a disabled wheelchair bound senior Wigston wanderers supporter being pushed across the road by her care worker.

She got up from her wheelchair and walked to the curb. She whipped the mud out of her eyes. She began to chant "We're cool. We're rock. Wigston wanderers, we rule."

Mitesh reversed his 4x4 with previously unseen giggling cheerleaders in the back. He lowered the window and simply turned up his Fellow of the rings CD.

Cash and Barry

Wigston Wanderers TV: Gareth Barry has done the unthinkable. He has signed for the Wigston Wanderers from the Knighton Oval for an undisclosed fee, believed to be £300,000.

Barry has revealled that the main reason for the move was the fact that Mitesh has not changed the "Lord of the Rings" CD in the team bus for the past 18 months.

" The final straw was that on my stag do Mitesh and the Mara brothers shaved my head. They handcuffed me to a lampost and stripped me down to my underwear. I was a deadringer for Golum. Dogs pissed on me. Drivers honked at me all night. The police drove past several times. Finally, I was released by my sister. I was going to cancel my wedding but I couldn't afford to lose the deposit. Worst still, Mitesh released a video of it on youtube," said Barry , as he took a pill for anxiety attacks.

Thanki Snr speaks from the wilderness

Biography channel : Mitesh's dad, Thanki Thanki, ex supermo of the Kpl franchise, has heavily criticised Mitesh for selling the soul of the KPL.

"This is supermarket cricket. The Kpl is no longer a novelty. It is on every day. Mitesh's capataincy is soft and boring. I hate the way he goes to the Mara brother after each ball and pats them on the bum. In my era, we bowled 36 balls. We had nothing about diets and stamina. Mitesh, can ask his Mum I used to eat 10 chappatis a day. Mitesh has to realise that the difference between a good spin bowler and a normal spin bowler is your brains," said Thanki Thanki as he glumped a whole coke can in one go.

Mara plumbing takesover Knighton Oval.

CNBC: Mara plumbing have bought 60% in the Knighton Oval franchise for a cool $1million.

There will be an immediate shake up. Ravi, Sanjay and Deepak Mara will open the bowling and bat top of the order. The team mascot will be called "Fruita", after the headless chicken that survived for two years, and the team chant will become "Mara, Mara." The stadium will be renamed the Mara Knighton Oval.

We join Mitesh in a live interview with Jonathan Agnew.

Jonathan Agnew :Mitesh is having a heavy net session with the Knighton Oval under 9 team to improve his confidence. Can you tell the worldwide audience about your health and the impact of the Mara deal?

Mitesh: I am close to a total recovery from my back spasm. The Mara deal will be good for us. We will pump $600,000 into the academy. $400,000 will be used to refurbish the Knighton pavillion. As you can see, if you turn your cameras, the Mara lads are already working on the piping.

As Mitesh drops his SS bat, he shouts , " Nichhe ki pipe, Bandru!"

We are trying to restore our satelite link.

Super Mit and ugly Scots

Knighton Oval TV: In a warm match with the Scottish t20 team, Mitesh took 5 wickets in a sensational over . Requiring 1 run to win, the Scottish underdogs were cruising at 17 for 5 when Mitesh spinwashed them..

The only difference between Clark Kent and Mitesh is that Clark Kent took off his glasses before he saved the day.

Manish's rant.

Wigston Wanderers TV: Manish has slapped a dossier on CEO Mum Anjana's desk.

"I know it is too early for mind games. Mitesh is violating the Respect campaign with umpires.
On 1 st May, no lbws were awarded against the Knighton Oval. Fact
On 8 th May , Mitesh bombed Steve Bucknor out of the Kpl series. Fact.
On 15th May, James Freaky was allowed to have a runner eventhough he was carrying a pre existing injury. Fact.
But he is not punished.How can you have a respect campaign and criticise the umpires every week?
You can analyse the facts and come to your own decision . We had a meeting in Manchester about the respect campaign .And I was very clear. Forget the campaign because Mr Thanki was killing the umpires," said Manish.