Spinach 24/7

KPlinfo (the home of cricket): Iyer Swami has prescribed a diet of spinach. He believes that there is an iron deficiency throughout the Knighton Oval's various specimens of vegetarian cricketers.

In a leaked urine test, Mitesh has shown a high level of iron and other drugs in his body.

Mitesh in an outburst during a press conference simply said, "I am iron man."

Yoga training for the Knighton Oval

Kplinfo (home of cricket) Iyer Swami, a tamil yoga expert, has been flown in to speed up Mitesh's recovery.

It has been alleged that that there are some irregularities regarding his expenses claim.

Iyer added to a press release, " Mind it, rascala."

Why some swear by KPL and some swear at it.

KPLinfo (the home of cricket): The intense schedule of 24 matches in 7 days has taken a toll on Knighton Oval skipper, Mitesh. He has ripped a lower back muscle while practising his doosra. He might be out of action for 14 days.

This leaves Andrew Macdonald to spearhead the attack.
Brian Close, Knighton Oval coach, said, " Andrew is neither a good enough bowler to open the bowling nor a batsman to bat at 6. This means we have got a long tail.This weakens us by 60%. We will have to work with what we have got ."

In contrast, Manish has taken the opportunity to play in the KPL to increase his fitness.
Greg Chapell, Wigston Wanderers coach, believed that he was showing good signs in a late bid to return to form .

He said, " He is beginning to turn the ball square. He has started to keep his head still at the crease like 2005."

Thumbs up from KPL sponsor , Mr Glass.

Financial TImes: Mr Glass, the nationwide glass franchise , has signed an exclusive £1 million deal.

Mr Glass added that he felt that David Dunn's decision to drop down the order for the Wigston Wanderers will allow them to take advantage of the slog overs and attract feamle viewers.

Knighton Oval's "pup" whispers into married life.

MTV Celebrity news bulletin: The attendees of the annual club awards at the Knighton Oval were thrown out of their chairs.

DHJ, or commonly known as the " Knighton phantom," has announced that he is going to tie the knot with Eva Petrova, KO's truely KO cheerleader. They danced to "Bhoot ni ke " and chants of "Phantom" from the Knighton toon army.

The origin of his name is due to the fact that he would lock himself in the toilet until Wigston Wanderer's Shane Warne had finished his spell.

Mitesh was touched that his players were moving on.

"He will always be pup to me. He was the youngest member of the Ashes 1992 winning team. I can understand his decision to leave cricket and take up bricklaying. He was struck on his head by a beamer from Manish. Anyway , that is for the ICC to sort out. I wish him luck for the future," said Mitesh with a tear in his eye .

Manish also congratulated DHJ. He hoped that DHJ, who in his opinion, has been the worst advert for vegetarianism does not become the worst ad for married life.

Academy launch at the Wanderers.

Cricket AM: The Wigston Wanderers have recently taken the decision to bus the players around the KPL circuit.

The fabulous array of player's porsches, ferraris and ford escorts will be auctioned off. The money raised will be ploughed into the the launch of the WC Academy.

In a friendly match between the pros and academy players , there seemed to be a large number of "apologetic and hostile " beamers bowled at the young academy players by the first team.

It took a while for one of the academy players, under the constant barriage of bouncers, beamers and yorkers , Nikhil Arora, to summon the courage to sledge the main culprit, Steve Rudge, Ashes winner 2001. He said that he resembled a "fat bus conductor." Next ball, Arora was dismissed with his middle stump cartwheeeling away. Rudge, a man not known for his wit, replied, "tickets please."

Catches win matches

Our reporter WC Grace, no relation to the great man, but was one of the reason we hired him, had an in depth interview with one of the modern great players Curly Ambrosia. Commenting on the recent KPL09 and especially the Wigston Wanderers' horrible run.
Curly said " Wigston Wanderers have no chance of winning if they catch like they do. The old cricket motto of catches win matches still hold true!!"

"Is it that bad?" Our reporter asked

"If the whole of the Wigston Wanderers team went to Mexico none of them would catch anything!!." Curly replied bursting in a fit of laughter which only stopped with an asthma fit and a quick inhaler...

Metro retro

Cricket AM: Round 8 will be held to celebrate Breast Cancer awareness week.

The Wigston wanderers will wear the old beige Kiwi top, moustasches and afro hairstyles. They will also don pink gloves, pads and undergarments.

Meanwhile, Mitesh has stamped his foot down on how retro especially the Indians become. In an urgent press release, Mitesh has told the team that what goes into the body has to be cokked in olive oil, not desi ghee, and what comes out should be cleaned with water, not by hand.

MT1 in Ashes scare

KPLinfo( the home of cricket) : Manish has contracted mononucleosis. He blames the water served at the bar.

From his facebook page, I would blame the barmaid , rather than the water, during the Thursday night Karoke face off. Manish sang " Shabba , Shabba." The ,yet unknown, barmaid sang " Mummy ko nihi hai pata."

Run Mitesh run

In a press conference on the eve of announcing the squad for round 7, Manish revealled his plans to target Mitesh.

"Mitesh is a thoughful and meticulous tinkerer. He has enjoyed playing against us. I think, if my memory serves me correctly, he has an average of 30 with the bat and 10 with the ball per wicket. His success is due to playing within his limitations and having a low centre of gravity at the crease. Mind you , when the Knighton Oval are good , they are good. When they are bad, they grovel. I want to see them grovel," said Manish wiping his brow because the air conditioning broke down at the English Academy in Loughborough.

Gary Pratt to make sensational return for the Wigston Wanderers

KNN: Details are slowly emerging from the Wigston Wanderers camp that the 2005 Ashes winner ,Gary Pratt, is due to end his self imposed exile.

His exile was provoked by some dubious third umpire referrals to Daryll Harper during the Carribean Calypso tour of 2006.

The talisman will cheer Manish's spirits when he takes on the Knighton Oval in round 7 on a suspiciously detoriating spinning paradise.

Trial by Spin

It seems like the Wigston Wanderers Cricket Club (affectionately known as WC amongst their fans) will be face "spin music " instead of the normal "chin music" they have faced so far in the KPL09. The groundsman of the KPL Oval, a Mr Peter Pitchfork, was heard in a drunken tirade in a local pub to be quoted in saying "Mitesh asks the impossible!!How can you produce a spinning wicket when there is so much rain in the air!!!" And then observers claim fell in a drunken stupor.

Our reporters are trying desperately trying to verify the story!

More leaks than the Titanic .

KNN: Oh no , not again! A leaked memo from the Wigston wanderers's dreesing room is in the hands of the Knighton Oval. Manish plans to tuck up Mitesh with some short hostile bowling and bowl very wide of offstump so he has to fish for the ball. Considering their appalling losing streak and comical fielding, I have got my fingers crossed that Manish does not have to fish the ball back from the boundary.

3 games to save his job

In a radio interview with BBC Teeside, Manish ducked the prickly question about the future of his captaincy. A leaked memo from the Chairman of Selectors suggestes that time is running out for Manish because his main sponsor ,Li Pou, of the Chop Shop is losing patience with his stale and repetitive excuses .

This might be one wreck even Li Pou can not salvage .

Press conference bust up

KNN:Manish stormed out of a press conference this morning. He is irritated by the claim, from Mitesh, that he has forgotten how to win.



Manish's problems are mounting. There are unconfirmed reports suggesting a dressing room bust up between Manish and Shane Warne regarding Manish's fateful decision to bowl first on an Edgbaston belter. He flatly refused to concede that it was a strange decision considering Glenn Mcgrath could not bowl after his freakish accident with a rugby ball.

KPl taverns

KPL Taverns held a charity match between the English masters and the West Indies legends at the Wigston Wanderers on Sunday . England all out for 51 , just lost chasing 56 off 18 balls.

The cricket bash raised £2000 for austic children and the Birmingham Dog's home.

Expenses furore hits the fan at KPL central

Mike Engels with some breaking news. Disturbing details are emerging from a specially commissioned KPL probe into team's expenses.



Expenses claims from the Wigston Wanderers have spiralled out of control. Eye watering claims include £4000 for a solar powered laptop, £3000 to replace the team bus's alloys and £400 for hockey pants ?

KPL hall of fame

1. Dr WG Grace
2. H Larwood
3. M Thanki
4. G Sobers
5. S Warne
6.A Gilchrist
7. Imran Khan
8. D Bradman
9.B Lara
10. F Truman

Coach Brian Close.

Manish's Delilah?

Coach Duncan Flecther scratching his head is not an uncommon site for the fanatical and fervent supporters of the Wigston Wanderers.

In a news conference , Duncan has found Manish's achilles heal. He 's in love !
He was quoted by an intimate source within the team set up by saying "Chale ? Chalo."

Coach Flecther has stamped his authority by banning WAGs within the team.

Oh no Manish, we might have a few wet pillows and some repeating ghazals echoing in the team hotel.

Manish's reply , as normal, was unpublishable.

Rumours confirmed about Manish

KNN entertainment news: Last week's flat denial from Manish about a relationship between Manish and Kareena Kapoor has taken a unexpected twist.

Manish , the renowned Playboy of London, has broken so many hearts and the chance of a relationship was very slim. Afterall, Manish would go through the fairer sex like a dog chasing cars. There are signs that he may be mellowing . This is the longest time that he has been going steady.

Stayed tabbed to this story as Mum Anjana has been seen shopping for wedding hats.

No smoke without fire, hey Manish?

Theresa , Entertainment correspondent , signing off for this week.

French Bowls?

KNN early edition: Mitesh Thanki, the youngest hall of fame living legend number 3, has started to grow weary of criccket. He would not mind if 18 ball cricket died out in favour of 6 ball cricket.

He is turning to French bowls to breathe life into his cricket.

This may be the opening Manish Thanki is hoping for . This is an ideal situation to redress the balance and stop this series becoming the "forgotten Ashes."

Manish was seen rubbing his hands in glee. He knows that only Mitesh can defeat himself.

As direct consequence, the bookers have cut the odds on a Manish comeback.

KPL summary so far

Round 1 Knighton Oval 23 beat Wigston Wanderes 17
Round 2 Knighton Oval 30 beat Wigston Wanderes 13
Round3 Knighton Oval 23 beat Wigston Wanderers 8
Round4 Knighton Oval 13 beat Wigston Wanderers 8
Round5 Knighton Oval 23 beat Wigston Wanderers 11

round 6

KNN late edition : Round 6 was washed out.

KPL commissioner, Mitesh Thanki, has flatly refused to refund TV commercial money.

This has sparked a row with TV Moghul, Subhash Chandra. Subhash Chandra is proposing a break away league , the KCL. More details to follow.

knighton premier league

The Knighton premier league is a titanic struggle between the top two teams of the league. Mitesh is leading the Knighton Oval and Manish is captaining the Wigston wanderers.

Manish "on second thoughts" Thanki is very disturbed by being five zip down in the series.
Manish seems to be blaming the strong wind and the fact that he has to bowl under lights for the poor showing. He seems to be blaming everything, except himself . This is having a negative impact on his team.

Their was a tete a tete with Mitesh" I want to be in movies" Thanki last night when Mitesh flatly refused to introduce 6 ball cricket. He strongly believed that 18 ball cricket needs to be preserved.

Also he was not willing to change the venue even though there are serious security concerns expressed by Manish.

"This is what happens when you control the Indian TV commercial interests. Mitesh is not concerned about the game. He wants to maximise TV revenue and nothing else.He thinks he's the Special one!" Manish fumed as he left the press conference without taking any questions.

news flash from KNN

report from Mike Engels of Knighton News Network, it has been reported that Mitesh and Deepika Puduka are going out.

Mitesh ,when questioned by Teresa Romeriz, replied, " we're just good friends."

4 h 's of cricket

1. hit the ball
2. houf the ball over the bowler's head
3.hop down the pitch
4.hit the ball