Another low light for Manish

I can not remember the last time I saw Manish laugh.It has been third dire season on the trot.

His sledge backfired : If the Knighton Oval bat first, let's tell the tuuk tuuk to wait.

He recruited Rahul Dravid on loan for the season. He was remembered more for his fielding than his batting, especially after the gem from Bryan Johnson during the commentary on the third T18:

Rahul Dravid's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle.

Let's hope he has a better job of choosing a wife. Manish, here is some advice:

It is easier to choose a bat than pick a wife. A bat has a watermark of quality -the grain. The one basic flaw in the otherwise perfect constitution of women is that you can't detect the knots in the grain until it is too late.

Kpl t20 bowla of the year

The KPL season is over. Mitesh has won 2-0. He retains the Ashes for a third year.

Mike Engels, summing up the season: It's a funny kind of month, September. For the keen KPL cricket fan it's when you realise your girlfreind left you in May.

Mitesh won bowler of the year. This what Bryan Johnson thought of his bowling this season:"This bowler's like my dog: three short legs and balls that swing each way."

Mitesh England's new t18 Skipper

Mike Engels, KPL Sports News: Mitesh, how does it feel about England's disappointing T18 World Cup ?

Mitesh: To be quite honest, we had a nice holiday and I think we trained once.

Georgie Elliman: What do you think about Jon Rooney's hair transplant?

Mitesh: Nice.

Mitesh: By the way, what is your name ? Is it Jacob ?

Georgie: No, why?

Mitesh: Coz you is a cracker.

Talk of the terraces

He bats, he scores, he'll eat your ladavas Mitaji Ji Sung, Mita Ji Sung!


Mit, Mit, Where ever you may be

You eat bajiyas in your home country

But it could be worse

You could be a WanderA

Eating maag baat in your council house"

Manish working on Inception 2

I have tried the hostile reception,

I have tried to edit him out in post production,

But my Inception formula will kill the willing habit in Mitesh's mind.

Baby it’s hard
And it feel like you’re broken in scar
Nothing feels right
But when you’re with me
I make you believe
That I’ve got the key

So get in the car
We can ride it
Wherever you want
Get inside it
And you want to stir
But I’m shifting gears
I’ll take it from here
And it goes like this

Mitesh you cant bat
Footworks is like Jagger
You move in the field like Jagger
You ve got the mooooooooooooooooooves like Jagger

Just shoot for the stars
If it feels right
Then aim for my heart
If you feel like
Can take me away, and make it okay
I swear I’ll behave

You wanted control
Sure we waited
I put on a show
Now I make it
You say I’m a kid
My ego is big
I don’t give a sh*t
And it goes like this

Mitesh you cant bat
Footworks is like Jagger
You move in the field like Jagger
You ve got the moooooooooooooooves like Jagger

27 gloves

Manish is fed up of being the Vice Captain for the past 27 matches against the Knighton Oval.

"Yes, I want to move from second slip to first slip. After Nixon took "that" catch, to dismiss Mitesh,I'd rather focus on my Kodak moments than make memories of others!"

Mitesh said, "Stop moaning, Miss Daisy."

Kas-p-arrgh

Manish played Mitesh like an old violin.

Chasing 35 to win, Mitesh was cruising at 30 for 1 with 7 balls to go.

Mitesh had a brain freeze and tired to do a back to the future shot- the dreaded reverse sweep.

Mitesh was bowled off his pads. This opened the tail for Malinga. Knighton Oval got 35 but they had lost more wickets.

The notorious Gas Club gang in the Soar stand started chanting, "30 for 1 and you messed it up. 30 for 1 and you messed it up."

Send in the De Klown brothers.

Mitesh sent in the clowns but Manish was not laughing.

Mitesh has signed the De Klown brothers from Holland under 19's.

A series of dropped catches and missed stumpings could not stop the De Klown brothers powering the Knighton Oval to 55 off 18 balls.

The talking point was just before Tea. Manish stopped the ball on the boundary.

The ball was still live but Mitesh walked off for his customary tea and biscuits.

Manish claimed the run out.

Mitesh stormed into the Wanderer's dressing room.

Manish said, " Why so serious ?"

Pravin Kumar The Menace

Pravin " Bash'em " Kumar has joined Mitesh for Finals day.

"It gets us the fire power required to get us off the mark."

"He will be our Dennis the Menace,"said Mitesh.

Chase the Knighton Oval Moonie

I'm flying away past the follow on

Running like the wind

As I chase the Knighton Oval

Up spinning around

Circles in my mind

Sailing over ground

Mitesh offers Sachin.

Mitesh is in the process of proof reading the KPL manual.

"After watching them at Trent Bridge, I have a few words for Sachin- Agge ke per, beraye."

Mario writes off another car.

Mario went back to Brescia for the KPL Summer break.

When he arrived, he found some fish in the car.

The fish smell has soaked into the seats.

Now, he is offically uninsurable.

Mario said, " I believe in conspiracy theory. Why did this happen after a ran Mitesh out last week?"

There is definitely some thing fishy.

Chase the sun

Mitesh took a two week break from medicine.

"Medicine is the 2nd best medicine."

"The first," asked Clara from Kpl sports.

"Medicine."

Nixon

Mitesh has congratulated Nixon for leading the Foxes to Finals Day.

He has been a great servant.

"Hey, Nixon get my mangoes from the fridge."

New Chants in the KPL 11

Chim chimeree, chim chimeree, chim chim cherooo,
Who needs Mitesh when we've got Manu (aka Manish of WW fame)

After Wigston Wanderer signed there new Liverpool Cricket Star Mr Mihans.R.Shakey
KnightonOval supporter have made a new chant in the stands!
You are a scouser,
A ugly scouser,
You're only happy on giro day,
Your mum's out stealing,
Your dad's drug dealing,
Please don't take our hub caps away

Super subs

Manish has suggested that Super subs should be introduced into the KPL after Zaheer Khan's injury.

Manish said, "I think Mitesh won't agree coz he doesn't want to be the first man to be subbed after 2.2 overs."

PTI

Mike: What do you think of the Wanderers press machine crucifying Mitesh?

Tony: It is nothing other than the defamation of Mitesh Thanki. Manish, where is the love?

Mike: What do you think of Manish bowling in reverse and nabbing Mitesh's middle stump?

Tony: This was amazing. But I hear he is going to be fined and banned for 4 games.

Mike: If I was Mitesh, I would have run down the pitch and socked him one.

Manish is Superstar.

People always talk about (ey oh ey oh ey oh)
All the things they're all about (ey oh ey oh ey oh)
Write it on a piece of paper,
Got a feeling I'll see you later.

There's something bout this,
Lets keep the score board moving,
And if its good lets just get something cooking.
Cause I really wanna bat with you,
I'm feeling some connection to the things you do.
(you do, you do).

[Chorus:]
I don't know what it is,
That makes me feel like this,
I don't know who you are,
But you must be some kind of superstar,
Cause you got all eyes on you no matter where you are,
(you just make me wanna dance)

Baby take a look around (ey oh ey oh ey oh)
Everybody's getting down (ey oh ey oh ey oh)
Deal with all the problems later,
Bad boys on their best behaviour.

There's something bout you,
Lets keep it moving,
And if it's good lets just get something cooking,
Cause I really wanna rock with you,
I'm feeling some connection to the things you do,
(you do, you do).

I don't know what it is,
That makes me feel like this,
I don't know who you are,
But you must be some kind of superstar,
Cause you got all eyes on you no matter where you are,
(you just make me wanna dance).

Don't upset the bowling rhythm

The time is right
Th' sun is sleeping in the sky
Free your mind
You never know what you might find
What's your vise ?
You know we won't compromise
So let me show you
Something super beautiful
Lets rock the boat
The magic ball is unstoppable !
Full on the floor
That's the rhythm you've been wai-ting for
Pure delight - top of off!

Its all up to you
And whatever you do (don't)
Cut into my action
4-3-2-1..

Chorus:

(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm no
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm, don't you dare
(Go baby, go baby GO !)
Don't upset the rhythm


Verse 2:

Skin and bone
And the Man of the match microphone
Can't get home
But you can use my dog and bone
We'll crank that stereo
Even when the speakers blow
D-I-Y
Just meet me up in paradise..

Chant of the week round up

Marvin heard in the infamous West stand at the Wanderers to the Knighton Oval fans.

(To the sound of Rigoletto, Verdi. La Donna e mobile).

All bling and Burberry,
high teenage pregnancy,

No father on the scene,
Out robbing a cash machine,

Social are on the way,
Come take your kids away,

Don't know the father's name,
All the punters look the same.

Chant of the week round up

Marvin heard on the Knighton Oval terraces, "Knighton Oval go West, Knighton Oval go West."

Mitesh no fan of band

Bad boy Mitesh has banned fellow players from wearing hairbands - and will not sign stars who "think they are models."

Mitesh's set to dish up an Indian takeaway.

Don't forget the Ashes, the real shootout for world domination starts at The KIA Uplands Oval this Sunday.

The star spangled talents of the Wanderers come to town for a back to back series clash that will decide who is the best team on the planet.

TOP Knighton Oval batmen ( by Kpl bet fair)

Cook 11-4
Mitesh 9-2
Trott 3
Strauss 9-2
Bell 5
Morgan 10

Top Wanderers batsmen.

Tendulkar 11-4
Manish 7-2
Dhoni 16
Laxman 11-2
Gambhir 7-2

Top Knighton Oval bowlers.

Swann 15-8
Mitesh 3
Tremlett 3
Broad 13-2

Top Wanderers bowlers.

Khan 15-8
H Singh 10-3
Manish 7
Sharma 3.

Marvin- You used switch me on in morning.

Marvin has become the new Third Man in the KPL com box.

What is the point of Mitesh playing cricket ? I would rather watch two retards playing football with no ball.

Why doesn't he just stick to playing ten year olds on his PS3? At least, he can disconnect the internet if he loses.

Why does he always have a back problem when Manish spanks him to the boundary?

I thought they stopped recording Fake That! on Channel4 five years ago. Has no one told Mitesh ?

Mitesh lives charmed life.

In the KPL warm up matches at KIA Uplands, Mitesh was dropped in the slips twice as he went on to make an agricultural 40no.

"You might drop me once, you might drop me twice.I hit it and it came to you like dynO-mite,"sang Mitesh to the Member's pavillion.

Streaker at Knighton Oval net

There was a streaker at the Knighton Oval net.


He ran past two old staff members.

The old canteen lady had a stroke. The cleaner just missed.

She's the man

Claire Connors, the new ECB women's supermo, has come down hard on the Knighton Oval.

"There is too much of a macho persona at the club.If they want to compete in the KPL Champion's league, they will need to set up a ladies team.Mitesh has 90 days.End of."

"It is going to be difficult. I don't think our Canteen lady can bowl,"said Mitesh.

Mitesh enrols to become a role model

Mitesh and Richard Prior have now apologized. Instead of paying for the repair, they have enrolled on the KPL Tavern's Big brother program.

Let's follow their first day.

Gayle Sweeney: Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Bullshit and Dr. I'm-full-of-shit?
You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.

Mitesh: What did you have for Dinner?

Richard:Cocaine.

Mitesh: This may be a stupid question. The Get Out of Jail Free Card: Is that real?

Mitesh yet to eat humble pie

Mitesh has not apologized for breaking the window at Lord's.

Mitesh let out his frustration after rain has ravished the fixture list.

"You're not bigga than the MCC, buddy,"said Manish

2k11 Kpl

2K11 Kpl will sponsor the KPL from next year.

Pads stolen

Manish's pads have been stolen.

The police have an unnamed suspect, who can not be revealed after a super injunction.

It's not 12 th Man- Giggs?

Radio Gaga

Manish was on a phone in on KPL radio.

"Manish, you need to retire. You can't bowl from 22 yards and your batting is too slow".

Manish responded badly, "These fans do not come to the matches and watch us on Match of the day. Terrible. These radio stations need to stop playing Lady Gaga.It is turning people gaga."

Press gag.

There is something rotten in the state of the Knighton Oval. Mitesh refused to speak to the press. His vice captain, Chris Faith, spoke of his disappointment of losing to the Wanderers.

"We were playing away. It is always hard to win when the Umpires don't allow bowlers to bowl bouncers.Anyway, we are home next week. We'll be ok,"said Chris.

3-1

time to hang up the boots

Kpl: The Wigston Wanderers have announced that they will have three captains with immediate effect.

"I dropped three catches. I got bowled by a yorker. The reations are not as quick as they once were. It is time for me to ride into the sunset. This will be my final KPL as captain,"said Manish.

IPL 11 starts and normal service resumes

The weather was clear and the spirit clear for both the KO and WW. KO won the toss and chose to field unsure of the nature of bounce and seam, going against WC Grace old saying! After a up and down sort of innings WW score a average score of 21 of 18 balls. Manish the captain of WW had a torrid day with the bat and crowd something that appears to be happening more and more these days! He seemed have singled out a camera in the crowd and spoke several profanities direct to the watching tv audience after hitting a six of the last ball!
Mitesh's KO easily chased down the target with to lose of no wickets!

Mani has since been hit with a fine and potentially 2 match ban, however, he may appealing blaming the weather, hypoglycaemia and a dietary deficiency in cooked rice!

Reported in "The Vilage Cricketer" keeping it agricultural

Coach frustrated at Mitesh- throws grenade

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give

Should of known you was trouble from the first net,
Why was your stance so open?
Gave you all the notes I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did

To give me all your attention is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

Oh, oh

I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won't do the same

Wanderers- theatre of dreams

The Wigston Wanderers have scored 70 off 18balls.

"If this was a boxing match, I would have to throw in the towel."said Ian Gould, Umpire.

"This season Mitesh is gonna get a beatin. The Knighton Oval are close to administration.Also I think he's pretending about his finger injury.This is not a good excuse. My advice to him is Don't go chasing waterfalls.Please stick to the rivers you know,"said Manish.

Mitesh prayin

Oh Lord above, I just dropped a catch
Let somebody take the blame
Oh Lord above, if I'm knelling down
My prayer, take away this pain, oh, nothing helps

I'm praying, oh Lord, I'm praying to You
Take away this guilt all up in my head
I'm pleading, oh Lord, I'm pleading with You
We got some dealings to do before the day I'm dead

Manish came for me just like I knew he would
But this time I was ready, and I ducked him good

Wigston song

I wanna be a Ashes winnar so fricking bad
Buy all of the things I never had
Uh, I wanna be on the cover of Wisden magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen

[Chorus]
Oh every time I close my eyes
I see my name in Lords in shining lights
A different ground every night oh
I swear the world better prepare
For when I’m a Ashes Winnar

Who's the daddy ?

Kpl has teamed up with WCW.

The new format of the KPL will have two innings of 18 balls.

This year the KPL will be called KPL Mania.

Jon Cena:"I believe Manish will triumph with this format because it favors consistency and planning. Manish is very similar to me. He never gives up."

It is warrr

Kpl info: New coach Tony Torres has promised to bring back the smile to Mitesh.

"Cricket must be fun.Otherwise, there is no point in playing.We don't want to make players into drones like Marvin at the Wanderers,"said Tony.

Macau curtain raiser

The first Kpl match will be played in Macau.

"It is a wonderful destination. We need to spread the game.KPL is the game of chance, no, it is the game of death,"said Manish

Transfer window closes

KPL sports news: Rick Torres has moved from Knighton Oval to Wigston wanderers.

The deal is believed to be $50m. His wages will go from £300k to £700k.

A disgruntled fan said," Excuse me, Mr Torres.It just proves that when you 've got cash,you don't need class.Knighton Oval know how to deliver revenge. Not like the Wanderers, when they're hot and they're cold. We serve it chin high and hot.Enough to make stumps turn into ashes."

Ref Masssey to turn to cricket

Kpl: Manish has been banned for one match in a sexism row.

He was overheard asking Mitesh if Umpire Massey knew the power play rules.

Also he was filmed asking Charlotte,Kpl sport news anchor;"Can you adjust my cricket box for me ?"

Al jalabi in an instant

Al Jalabi - fav movie : Kite runner

Fav Shot: Chinese cut.

Best moment: taking the Afgans to the ICC finals.

Most awkward mo: Sledging Mitesh and getting caught off a reverse sweep.

League of nations

Kpl info: Manish has welcomed the signing of Al Jalabi from Kabul Destroyers.

That makes 11 nationalities in the Wanderers starting 11.

"They are like the Russian Empire. Each country has no loyalty.There is no friendship.We do not know when they are going to implode,"said Mitesh.

Mitesh in 100 GQ men

Mitesh is being interviewed by GQ.

Mrs. Lindsay - "You certainly look cool."

Mitesh - "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."

Mrs Lindsay -" What is your mental process when you are batting?"

Mitesh-"How can you hit and think at the same time?"

Mrs Lindsay:"What would you do if you found a million dollars?"

Mitesh: "If the guy was poor, I'd give it back."

Wanderers try baseball

Yogi Berra and Joe Di Maggio's grandsons held a baseball clinic at the Wanderers.

1.Baseball is like church. Many attend; few understand.

2.Hit the ball over the fence and you can take your time going around the bases.

3.A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

4.There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem - once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit.

5.Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.

6.When asked what time it is: "Do you mean now?

preseason pledge

Manish has pledged that the Wanderers will be the vanguard against boring cricket.

"We want to take the draw out of the game. If you think I'm pushing my luck, they hey, I'd like to take the loss out as well,"said Manish.

pre season nets

Manish has told coach Greg Chappell that we must adopt a new technique to beat the Knighton Oval.

Knighton Oval are like the German football team of the 1970 and 1980's. Two teams, one ball and the Germans always win.

"We have to abandon our traditional policy. This year if it ain't broke DO mend it,"finished Manish

Knowing me , knowing you,Manish Thanki

Who is your sporting hero ? Graeme Smith.

What would you be if you weren't a sportsman? Librarian

Which other sportsman would you like to be ? Freddie Flintoff.

Career highlight ? Bowling Mitesh out on the last ball to draw the Ashes 2002.

If your house was burning down, what one possession would you save? My first Ashes medal.

Favourite Karaoke song: Kismet se tum hum ko milo ho

Three most listened songs on your ipod: You're hot and cold, teenage dreams and who's gonna run this town tonight.

Last film you saw: 3 idiots

Last book you read: Restaurant at the other side of the universe.

Favourite pre match meal chips and beans

Can you cook ? No, but I like Mitesh's cheesecake when we visit the Knighton Oval.

Your favourite holiday destination: I would love to go Jo bourg for the Boxing day test match

In a film of your life, who would you like to play you ? Matt Damon. I liked him in Invictus.

What's the most expensive thing you have ever bought ? BMW. I forgot to buy a cricket box. That nearly turned out to be very expensive!

LV cup pre season round 1

"It's not about the glory" said Roy Albert Keano.

His side the Tractor 11 have been picked to face Knighton Oval in the first round of the LV cup. The tie will be played on the 2nd February.

"We need this tie with the Knighton Oval.Cricket is about money now. We will definitely get a full house and TV money.The final at Great Yarmouth. We are based in Noriwch. Mitesh, you will need to go through to get to the final. Check your sat nav."

Recruitment drive at Wanderers

By Mike Engels.

Manish has signed the premier French cricketer,Shane Tulangi.

Manish:I told Shane,do you want to come to a place of milk and honey near theA50?
We are offering free laptops.You know,a team that clicks together
plays well together."

Mike:Shane, you probably thought your career was over after the drugs ban at the World cup.
What did Manish say to you to play for the Wanderers?"

Shane:Simple.Manish asked me- do you believe in second chances?
And I said.I do now."

The jeff boycotts to perform opening 2011 in Abu Dabi

The jeff boycotts will perform their hits:

Glory glory Manish Thanki
Knighton oval- are you Scotland in disguise
Mitesh-you re no dr wc grace MRCP
Keeping on running- inzi ran out again!

The good,bad and googlie.

Kpl info the Knighton oval are working on a leg spin academy.
Manish said,"there is no guarantee that they will produce another AbdulQadir.If you want a guarantee buy a toaster."
"What's his name any way?"asked Manish.
"Finch."
"It's always Finch."